Thriving through a divorce requires a strong community. The more supportive people you have while going through a divorce or custody battle—friends, family, cheerleaders, and, yes, lawyers—the better off you will be at the end. Strong community makes us healthier, it keeps us balanced, and it keeps our problems in perspective (making them more manageable).
Where people go wrong is when their search for community comes from social media. Social media often serves as a proxy for community—45 likes on a post can make us feel like we're heard and loved. By the same token, a piece of cake can make us feel fed and satisfied, but that doesn't mean it's healthy for us. There's a fundamental difference the support of close friends and social media popularity.
And in the worst cases, social media oversharing can hurt the actual results of your case.
Below, we take some of the social media tips laid out by divorce attorneys across the Internet to help you navigate your divorce without shooting yourself in the foot with your public profiles.
#1: Don't Post About Your Spouse
This one's the biggie, so we're opening with it. No matter your history with your spouse, facing each other in court makes him or her something new to you: a legal opponent. How you conduct yourself regarding your opponent can reflect poorly on you and your lawyer's courtroom strategy, hindering your case. Badmouthing your spouse or implying any scheme to sabotage him or her incurs new consequences during court proceedings. It's important to remember that your family drama is now on the legal record—and judges don't take kindly to uncivil behavior.
This is especially true if you have children. Badmouthing a parent in public could be considered evidence of badmouthing your spouse to your children—which could shift your custody battle against you.
#2: Don't Post About Your Money, Spending or Accounts
This is a rule to live by: the only evidence or documentation of your financial state should be submitted by you to the court. Muddying the waters of your spousal support hearing with out-of-court posting and spending antics only wastes your time and makes it harder for you to succeed in court.
For example, if someone boasts on Twitter about a recent shopping spree, that could be viable evidence regarding their financial needs and spousal support. That person's attempt to claim financial hardship or any sort of hard financial circumstance might fall on deaf ears. It may even call into question the income they've claimed.
#3: Don't Post About Drinking or Any Attempt to Cope with the Divorce
Your social media posts are valid expressions of your state-of-mind, so they can be used against you. What you might consider a "refreshingly honest" look at how you feel in a tough situation could be misconstrued and reinterpreted as "unhealthy" or "unstable"—which is especially harmful for custody battles. Don't post, ambiguously or otherwise, about your mental state if your mental state is relevant to the case.
Would-be comedians are the ones most at risk. Humor is a great way to cope with a tough situation, but expecting the law to differentiate between jokes and sincere sentiments is foolish. Having a few glasses of wine (or more) is fine if you want to drink on your own time—posting about drinking heavily, however, is putting your case at risk. The court may make nothing of it, but why take the risk? Why hand ammunition to your spouse's attorney?
#4: Don't Post About the Judge
This one feels the most obvious: the judge is doing his or her job. Their decisions aren't personal or rooted in any resentment toward you. However, using the Internet as a platform to publicly chastise or berate the judge in your case will never end well. Your lawyer is hard at work convincing the judge to come down on your side of the argument—"letting off a little steam" by publicly attacking the judge undoes
all of that.
We can't promise that all of these rules will ensure that your case will end well. In some cases, you can break these rules and be just fine—some people are lucky like that.
Here's what we can promise: if you want your case to end with the best possible result, you'll need to rely on self-discipline, caution, and emotional wisdom—not luck. Be careful with your public profile, and when you truly need to vent, call a friend.