Divorce Can Be Successful

Divorce doesn’t always have to be a nasty, messy fight. A divorce an actually be quite amicable as long as the parties agree to set aside their differences and any hard feelings and focus on what’s important. Resolving a divorce cordially will not only save you from stress, anxiety and emotions that can weigh you down during a contested divorce, but it will also save you time and money in the long run.

A “successful” divorce is not out of your reach when you keep these tips in mind:

• Remember the purpose of a divorce is not to “beat” your ex at anything. Divorce is not a game. Instead focus on what you need to achieve to ensure you and your children are secure in the years to come.
• Do not try to alienate your children from their other parent. Kids deserve to have strong relationships with both parents, and just because you don’t like your ex anymore doesn’t mean your kids need to feel the same way.
• Love your kids more than you hate your ex.
• Do not fight with your ex in front of your children.
• Do not alienate your kids from your ex in-laws. They are still the grandparents of your children, and despite how you might feel about them your children deserve to have a relationship with their grandparents.
• Don’t fight over the small stuff. Stand up for yourself when it comes to important things, like child custody or division of martial assets. But when it comes to mundane things, like who gets to keep the CD collection, you’re better off saving yourself the time, money, and energy.
• Don’t keep bringing up history. There is no need to remind your ex how bad of a spouse he or she was. It’s clear you feel that because you are getting a divorce.
• Do your best to set aside any grudges and move on. Even if your ex cheated on you, there is no point in dwelling on it and have it hinder the progress of the divorce. Again, it will only cost you time, money, and energy in the long run.
• Try to be civil and cordial. It will make it much easier to reach mutual decisions over the issues at hand. It will also make the divorce process more pleasant overall.
• Maintain healthy boundaries. You aren’t married anymore, so there is no need to tell each other everything. Don’t divulge personal information unless it pertains to the issue you are discussing, and if your ex tries to bring something up that is irrelevant to the divorce, ask them to please keep whatever they have to say to themselves.  
• Don’t try to seek revenge on your ex. It’s not worth it and the satisfaction you might feel initially will quickly wear off and you will be left with the same emotions you started with. It’s best to take the high road and confront your emotions head-on with a friend, family member or therapist.

For more helpful tips or information about filing for divorce, take a moment to speak with an attorney in your area. A  divorce lawyer can discuss possible divorce options with you, such as participating in divorce mediation or arbitration versus litigation in court. In addition, you can also explain to the attorney what you hope to get out of your divorce to ensure those needs are acknowledged or address.