With Halloween and Thanksgiving up and coming, you may be wondering how the holidays will be this year without your spouse. If you are currently in the process of getting a divorce, chances are that you and your spouse have separated and will not be spending these special days together. The holiday season can be a time for rejoicing and making memories, but for many single or recently divorced men and women they can also be a reminder of the past. A lot of parents are saddened when they realize that their entire family will not be together this year. Your ex may even have the kids for Christmas, leaving you without the children that you love most on a special day. If you are gearing up to face the holidays without a spouse this year, there are some practical tips you can keep in mind.

For one, it’s easy to remember that you children are the reason for the season. You will want to make the holidays as special as you can for your young ones as they struggle through watching their family split. Try to suppress your own emotions for their sake and focus on giving your kids the best holiday season of their life. With this outlook, you may be able to make things special for them while forgetting about the way things used to be. As a result of focusing on the kids this holiday season, you may find that the giving is therapeutic. You can get your mind off of the breakup by showing kids that you are focusing on them this season.

In addition to focusing on the kids, you should remember that gifts aren’t the only way to make the holidays special. After the attorney’s fees, court costs, alimony, spousal support, or child support, you may be on a tight budget. Don’t feel like presents are the most important aspect of the season. Also, it is essential that you don’t compete with your ex. If you and your former spouse try to “out buy” the children with presents it will probably end up as a disaster for all parties involved. The children will feel torn and both you and your spouse may end up in consumer dent. If you and your spouse are able to communicate, you may want to set a budget that you will both abide by when buying presents. This way, the children will get an equal value amount of gifts from both parents and won’t feel partial to one for better presents.

Another tip to remember as the holidays approach is to think through your rituals. Any traditions that featured your ex-spouse may need to be crossed off the Christmas agenda this year. You can also create new traditions that symbolize this new part of life. For example, if your ex-husband used to always take the children to a specific neighborhood to go trick or treating, and this familiar spot is too sentimental, you could try to find a new location to take the children. Whether it’s family member’s cul-de-sac, the mall, or an amusement park, you could start a whole new tradition that shows your children change isn’t always bad.

You will need to keep in mind that your children will have to spend holidays with one parent on every other year. This means that you will only spend half of your Christmases with your children. In some cases, amicable spouses may be able to work it out so that they both get to spend time with the kids on the holidays, but in most relationships it becomes an every-other-year trade-off. While you are working through your child custody schedules it is important to work through these holidays so that it doesn’t become a conflict later on. Contact a family attorney if you need more information about surviving the holidays post-divorce and working out a schedule that is agreeable for both parties.