Holidays and birthdays can be an overwhelming time for families in any circumstance; add in a divorce, and matters can quickly become more complicating. Whether you are a mother or a father, learning how to work with your spouse in the aftermath or a divorce may be difficult, especially when it involves the touchy subject of holidays and birthdays for your children. While there are always exceptions for families, the majority of parents who go through a divorce wish to be equally involved in the lives of their children; so they decide to share custody with the other parent. Studies show that having both parents involved in the lives of children is in their best interest as they grow up; so if it is at all possible, do so for the sake of the kids.

How birthdays and holidays look after a divorce depend entirely on the family dynamics. Some parents may decide that they both want to be there for the children, even if it means coming in contact with their ex-spouse a few extra times per year. If you and your ex (or soon-to-be ex if you are planning on divorcing in the future) want to see to it that your children's best interests are kept in mind, make sure that your communicate with one another when drafting your parenting agreement. As you work through the details of your divorce with your attorney, make sure that you create a general guideline for what you each expect in regards to birthdays and holidays with your kids. Here are a few tips to consider when thinking through this topic with your ex and the children.

After a divorce, or even during the process of creating your settlement, flexibility is one of the biggest assets you can bring to the table of discussion. A helpful tool to remember when making decisions regarding your children with your ex is that your flexibility should be guided by the needs of your children at the time. So perhaps you and your ex disagree on what to do for a holiday or birthday, if your child has a preference or specific need, consider that above your own wants. This flexibility also includes allowing your children to choose the other parent for a holiday. Be willing to let the kids spend Christmas with their dad or mom because that's what they want; and show that you are excited for them to spend time with the other parent.

Another aspect of co-parenting that you will want to address is the topic of planning ahead. While flexibility is always valuable, having a rough draft schedule is going to be helpful for both of your schedules and sanity. Communication is crucial when co-parenting after a divorce, especially because you will not be living in the same home. Remember that if something is going to change in your schedule, try to give the other parent ample amount time to work it into theirs—especially for big holidays.

Lastly, during the holiday season (whether it is Cinco de Mayo or Christmas) make sure you remember that kindness and generosity will go a long way. Try to keep the conflict and pressures from your divorce out of the holidays, and enjoy the time with your children. Whether this means accepting that your kids will be with their dad on Christmas, or they will be only with their mom for their birthday, be kind to one another for the sake of the children.

If you are considering a divorce, find a local family attorney in your area using our website, this is a process you don't have to do alone! An attorney will help you work through all the matters of the divorce settlement including property division, child custody and support, alimony payments and the like. Find one today near you!