How Facebook Affects your Marriage
Posted on Jun 29, 2012 11:35am PDT
On Facebook people often post their relationship status. A person can chronologically document their relationship with the postings of "in a relationship," "engaged," and "married." Women make a ceremony out of changing their last name on this social networking site on the same day that they upload wedding photos and change their profile picture to a romantic picture of themselves in bridal white. Yet while Facebook may be the perfect place to document a wedding and notify friends and family of the changes in your life, a study recently discovered that Facebook may also cause people to change that "married" status back to single. To quote ABC News "the kiss of death for marriages might be more like a poke."
That is because a third of all divorce filings in 2011 contained the word Facebook. More than 80 percent of all American divorce attorneys say that social networking is playing a huge part in the causes for divorce. Many times attorneys will use photos or statuses on Facebook as part of their case. One Houston divorce lawyer told ABC News that she has pulled up a spouse's Facebook to prove charges of infidelity, or used a child's profile to demonstrate that one parent is not fit to take custody. The use of Facebook is so rampant that this divorce lawyer warns people to think before they post. One piece of shared information can go a long way in a divorce case.
Facebook in divorce proceedings is a relatively new concept. In fact, three years ago, only 20 percent of divorce filings contained the word Facebook somewhere in the documents. This has risen by about 13 percent in only three years. Some people assume it is because Facebook usage spiked within the past few years, and now almost everyone can be located on this website. An Indiana University professor with the initials I.G. wrote a book about this new phenomenon, which is entitled The Breakup 2.0: Disconnecting Over New Media. In her book, I.G. interviewed 72 couples to find out the role that social media played in their relationship.
Her interviewees ranged from teenagers to divorced couples in their late 50's. She said that almost all of her interviews revolved around Facebook. In her press conference with ABC, I.G. admitted that she was thankful when one of the couples would use another media source as part of their conflict, such as Skype or texting. Normally, the reasons for social media conflict revolved around a few key themes. Couples complained that their spouse sent inappropriate messages to a Facebook friend of the opposite sex, "liked" raunchy photos of a person of the opposite gender, or were "defriended" by their spouses.
Sometimes couples would post cruel or biting comments to each other over the site, which could be seen by friends and family. Also, some couples split over pictures posted of one partner at a rowdy gathering, or because another Facebook friend tattled on one spouse. I.G. noted that in her interviews that a great number of couples would break up over Facebook. It was as simple as a wall post or an instant message. I.G. told ABC News that Facebook comes with the danger to create serious miscommunications.
Wall posts and statuses are normally little tidbits of information that are provided without any context. A spouse may see her partner's status and become very suspicious over nothing. The conflicts become so heated, that in the end they are often enough to break a marriage. I.C. suggests that couples who are starting the divorce process because of Facebook try to delete their profiles and restore their relationship. If this doesn't work, then they may want to split, but it's best to keep off Facebook in the future if it has the tendency to shred your relationships with people of the opposite sex. By using social networking sites wisely, you will be able to keep your relationship status from reverting too single unwillingly.